Welcome to Colorado!

Original Post Date: November 9, 2006

Welcome to Colorado! Here are some things you have to know to survive here:

1) First, take note of the topography of the entire state. Contrary to popular belief (of people who have apparently never looked at a map), Colorado is NOT completely mountainous. I know this will come as a shock to you, but there are people have lived here their entire lives and have never skied. And some of them will get offended if you pester them about it. (And try not to make the mistake of confusing a ski resort with a town of the same name. Loveland the Ski Resort is very far away from Loveland the City.)
2) I understand that you have 4 wheel drive. That's nice. But you know what? The ice doesn't care. You will slide just as easily, no matter what kind of car you drive. SO SLOW DOWN!!!!!!!!!! The only thing 4 wheel drive is good for is getting you out of the ditch you're stuck in, assuming you didn't flip the car.
3) Yes, I know it's sunny outside. But just because the sun is out, that doesn't necessarily mean it's warm outside. Check the temperature. And put some clothes on.
4) FYI: After a snow storm, you're going to have to stop at every service station you pass to top off your window washer fluid. Trust me on this.
5) You're welcome to watch the weather report on the news, but you're much better off to just always have a light jacket, a heavy jacket, and an umbrella handy. You will become a Certified Weather Cynic within a month or so of living here.
6) If we are not in a drought, plan on two weeks of rain in June. Don't complain about it. Enjoy the moisture, because you're in for a VERY DRY SUMMER!!!!
7) You don't have to be a fan of the Denver Broncos. However, you are NOT allowed to be an Oakland Raiders fan. Ever. The same goes for Nebraska. Buffaloes eat Cornhuskers for dinner.
8) Forget about that whole March coming in like a lion and going out like a lamb nonsense. March will more than likely come in like a really angry lion and go out like an even angrier one.
9) Did I mention that the worst snow storms will come in mid-Spring? Usually after a few weeks of warm weather, so all the flowers will die. It's a fact of life.
10) Just because it snows on December 23rd, this does not automatically insure that we will have a White Christmas.
11) Most Coloradoans are, if you haven't noticed, extremely sarcastic. Get used to it. If you can't take it, then get out.

This is a joke!!! If you take it seriously, you need to lighten up, okay?