Decisions, Dilemmas...and TOO MUCH STRESS!

Original Post Date: April 18, 2008

Why is it that I have so many choices to make? Darn that free agency. We are free to choose....but sometimes it's choosing between good things. It's not all black and white, good versus evil and all that. I have to decide what I want to do! AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO!!!!

I'm leaning more and more towards doing a solo recital. It's been 8 years since my senior recital in college (dang, I'm old). And I've been taking voice lessons from Juliana for 5 years now. It's about freaking time I allow myself to show off a little. Recitals are a lot of work, but they are really fun, too. And I'd be keeping my stress level to a minimum by titling the recital "Songs that I Love". So, I'd only sing songs that I already know. And with the list I have right now, I'd only have to memorize one...and who says I have to memorize it? Well, actually...it's the Habanera from Carmen. You have to ACT that piece, and being tied to the music makes that hard. Not that memorizing French isn't hard enough. Aw, craaaaap. But the other songs on the recital would be Una voce poco fa, which I've sung a BAZILLION times! And Danny Boy (Celtic Woman version). And Mr. Snow. And Adelaide's Lament. Fun stuff...that I already know. Okay, so...I will do this recital if I can go find that totally sweet red dress that Steph and I found last summer when we were shopping for my Gala dress. But alas, I don't have a lot of time to go shopping all the way in Centennial at that store.

So there's one dilemma...the recital. What's the other dilemma? Should I audition for "Jekyll & Hyde" at the UCDT? That's their next show. Auditions are two weeks from tomorrow. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that show! It won't open until late August, so I would have a tiny break after Fiddler. I would love to play Emma in that show...someday. Not now. I'm not comfortable singing HIGH that much. I pretend that I'm a soprano, but I'm really not. My range is now B below low C (one octave below middle C) and High C. Just over 3 octaves. Welcome to MEZZO-VILLE!!!!! The fun of being a mezzo is, you can either sing low or you can sing high. You can't do both at the same time...and if you can, not for long!!! And you have buy both the High Voice and Low Voice versions of EVERY music book. But I digress....should I audition for J&H? I don't know. I love the UCDT. I'm having a BLAST with Fiddler (and I promise to stop complaining about being a bad dancer. I'm getting better!!!!) The drive isn't so bad, either. Especially because I get to write the mileage off my taxes. SWEET! So, I don't know whether I'll audition for that or not. I'm still waiting to hear what the rest of the season will be at the Candlelight. But I can't wait around for that. And whatever I decide, I have to make sure that I'm available on October 18th to do the Loveland Opera Theatre Gala. We're doing an evening of George Gershwin and Cole Porter. I'm singing "Someone to Watch Over Me" and a yet-to-be-determined duet (possibly with Craig.) I'll move heaven and earth to make sure I'm available for that night. I'm super excited to be singing that song! I LOVE IT!!!!

And now for the stress....I haven't had a principal role in a show in a very long time. I haven't had to memorize more than a handful of lines in FOREVER! So I'm seriously stressing out over my lines in Fiddler. We haven't blocked any scenes yet, so I'm sure it will be fine once I know what I'll be doing. But being the freaker-outer that I am...I'm, well, freaked. It's going to be okay...I know it is...but I still have to wig out a little. It's just how I'm wired. My dancing is getting...less bad. Not easy by any stretch of the imagination, but it's not as bad as it was. I really should look into taking some dance classes someday. All this money spent on voice training has not been wasted, but I feel out of sorts when I am so far behind my fellow cast mates when it comes to dancing! Graceful I am not. Not even CLOSE!!!!! But I just need a little more confidence in myself. I HAVE CONFIDENCE IN SUNSHINE, I HAVE CONFIDENCE IN RAIN, I HAVE CONFIDENCE THAT SPRING WILL COME AGAIN! BESIDES WHICH YOU SEE, I HAVE CONFIDENCE IN ME!!!! Wow, Maria sure got that right.

Okay, I'm done freaking out now. I have learned recently that I cannot try to have ultimate control over every facet of my life...and everything that I want for my life. I really just have to go with the flow and let things happen as they happen. Everything is going to work out. I know that it will...I just have to have a little patience and faith.