Busy, busy, busy and nothing ever gets accomplished

Original Post Date: March 21, 2007

The title of this blog is how I feel about my life at the moment. I feel like I'm on a treadmill! I'm always doing something, but I never feel like I accomplish anything. My favorite thing to do is sing, and it makes me a little money (emphasis on a little!!). I need to find a full time job, but I'm pretty sure I'm ruining my chances by saying that I have daytime gigs every now and then. I'm sure to emphasize that the gigs are VERY few and far between, but all they hear is that I'd have to get time off sometimes. Oh, heaven FORBID I should request time off. (This is one of the reasons that I quit my last job. It was like pulling teeth to get time off sometimes! And they were a little less than understanding when I called in sick close to the time I had a show. I'm pretty conscious about my health, because my body is my instrument. If I'm feeling even slightly under the weather right before a show, I freak out and cancel everything.)

Anyway, I'm feeling very out-of-sorts with my life at the moment. I'm trying to do what I need to do, and what I know is right, but I really do feel like I'm on a treadmill. Or treading water. It really REALLY sucks. It doesn't help that I can't have my dream job and every job I do get only lasts about 2 1/2 years before I burn out. I've heard people say that having any college degree helps to get you a job, but I don't believe that. It hasn't worked for me. Sure, I work in my field all the time...but I normally don't get paid for it. That's what I signed up for when I got into the arts. But why can't I find something fulfilling that earns me money so I can pay off my debts? Or more importantly...when is Ed McMahon going to knock on my door with my check from Publishers Clearing House? *Snerk* Yeah, THAT'S going to happen.

I keep telling myself "faith precedes the miracle" over and over again. I just need to have faith that things will work out in my life. It's hard, though. Having faith is not always an easy thing, especially when nothing seems to be working out the way that I would like it to. So, I'm just doing my best to not dwell on the bad stuff. That's one reason I'm writing this. Maybe if I just lay it out, then I can move on and think happy thoughts. Then I can get out of my rut, enjoy what I've got, and prepare for the things to come. Well, I guess we'll see if it works, won't we!

What is all comes down to, and this is what depresses me the most, is that it never entered my wildest dreams that I would be 29 years old, single, broke, and still living with my parents. There, I've said it. Moving on.......