I'm tired of...

Original Post Date: June 27, 2007

...never getting asked out on dates. Seriously. No one asks me out. I'm tired of being "friend" material but not "date" material. You have to date to get married, so I guess I'm going to have to get an arranged marriage. Wonderful. Sure, I'm busy a lot, but not ALL THE FREAKING TIME!!!! Geez, just call and ask me out. I'm a fun-loving girl. I would love to go out and have a fun time. While I am 29 and still single, I am searching for my eternal companion. But I'm not going to find him on a first date. So asking me out for one date is not a big deal. Holy freaking cow, gentlemen. ASK ME OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm tired of hearing about guys I know who date lots of girls...yet they never ask me out. What's the deal there? Give me a chance, please. I know that I can be a little on the annoying side in large groups of people. I have this complex where I think that no one notices me and so I unconsciously show-off. It's something I've tried to stop, but sometimes it just happens. My ditziness is an act. Seriously. I'm playing a character most of the time. To get to know the real me, you've got to spend time with me one-on-one. I'd love to have someone I could spend one-on-one time with. Then maybe I'd get to know the real me, too. Sad, but true. I'm too introverted for my own good sometimes.

I'm tired of being alone. It's possible to feel lonely while in the presence of a group of people. Trust me, it's true. Very sad, but very true. I put on a brave face for the world, but I'm crumbling inside. You won't even hear me talk about this. I'll blog it, but that's it. It's part of my brave front. I am much more free when I'm writing than when I'm talking. Probably because I can take the time to think things out. If I hadn't gotten a degree in music, I probably would have gotten one in writing.

I'm tired of being forgotten. I don't get many invitations to parties and things, except for family stuff. Not that I'm complaining about the family stuff. I love my family to death and we have TONS of fun. Too much fun to be legal, really. But I'd like more. I want another person to share everything with. I feel bad that many things I have been invited to, I've had to turn down. I work two jobs and do theatre at night. I'm a busy girl. But keep asking me. My schedule gets sporadic some times. I spend a lot of time alone at home. It's boring.

I just want someone to love me.

I try really hard not to be bitterly single. I have so many awesome opportunities right now that will go away once I'm married and a mommy. I'm enjoying every minute of them. But at the same time, I'm not getting younger (though I will be staying the same age for a few years. ) I want my dream job. I want to be a stay-at-home mommy who does a little theatre and singing on the side. That's what I want, but can't have right now. You won't hear me complaining excessively about this issue. I try very had to keep the whining to a minimum on the subject. But it's starting to really eat me up, and that's why I'm venting tonight. I just have to RANT about it for awhile. For some reason, it's really getting to me today. Not sure why. I'm tired, I'm grimy from painting the set, and I just feel like venting about my lack of love life. I'm just plain FRUSTRATED!!!!!!! Life is giving me a big, swift kick in the rear and I really like kicking it back rather than sitting back and letting it kick away. I want to punch it back in the face and say "LEAVE ME ALONE!! GO PICK ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE!!!!!"

I really just wish I had a guy I could vent my frustrations to, but unfortunatly, my dear blog readers get to get an earful. Eyeful. Umm...yeah.

I'm going to go wallow in my self-loathing for awhile. When you see me next, I'll be back to the chipper, silly, semi-energetic Angela that you know and love. Going to the Celtic Woman concert tomorrow night will really help to recharge my battery!

Sorry for the randomness. This is totally a stream of consciousness blog.

I'm okay. Don't worry about me. The person who really needs to read this, probably won't. So yeah...........whatever.